2004-09-22 - 6:12 p.m.

I wrote this a few months ago and forgot that i meant to add to it but i found it whil cleaning my hard drive today at work. it made me laugh...

Ok. Let me tell you why my life sucks ass right at this very moment. Not only am I 34, almost 35, always trying to diet after out of nowhere in the last 2 years put on 20 lbs AND we don�t even want to talk about my failed (continually failing only to be bolstered by my indefatigable optimism after weeks of wallowing in misery) relationships� but, I just found out that Splenda, my new calorie/ carb-free sweetener has sucralose that has not been adequately tested and will most likely lead to shrunken thymus glands (whatever that means, I will google it in a few and will have yet one more cause of horror at what I have been doing to my body), serious chronic immunological or neurological disorders and who knows what else� Lori asked me, when I told her about aspartame (in her diet dr. pepper), what there is out there to eat or drink that actually tastes good? I would say dirt but you know i think that there is probably some really bad junk in that too, plus it doesn't taste all that great...

honestly, i have been so frustrated about eating and drinking that i am just losing my appetite. i am waiting for someone to tell me that my romaine and green leaf (organic of course. but mom said that you even have to watch that as some organic food is grown on land where run-off from non-organic, pesticide laden produce is grown...and i could go on.) lettuce is bad for me. seriously, what the fuck can i eat? no meat. not very much fish (mercury...) no processed soy - the thyroid thing, the big boobs thing, the if I want to have a baby and not have it come out with mutated sexual organs (that one may have to be looked into further on second thought) and the athritis thing etc., only fermented soy so that leaves me with tempeh only, nuts but only a few and unsalted. organic eggs, no soy cheese (soy again) no milk, besides my lactose thing, the cows are fed such horrid chemicals to keep them healthy and producing and they are bred continually to also keep them producing. sooo, no meat, very select veggies, only-some soy. water. only icky, bland whole grain breads and rice and pastas.

i think they should just synthesize some nutritional tablets and we could all just pop them 3 times a day. (yeah, right. and then we would find out that �soylent green is people.�)

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