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2004-10-29 - 7:55 p.m.
um. ok. how can my days get any weirder?
had a really weird dream last nite. i am not sure that i recorded my last weird dream with S in it but it was highly sexual and i have really convinced myself that i am not attracted to him physically (although, after today that may go away, my mind is way more powerful than my body when it really comes down to it but i will get to that in a bit) but last nite i had a dream that included him again. this time in a different manner. i was having my typical odd dream (once again, a subject for another time, i will get into them in other entries) so, dreamland...hanging out w/ friends, mak was there and suddenly i was smoking pot. something i don't do, once in a while if i don't have mak i will take a hit but i really do not like to be high. i get totally paranoid...every whisper says ''spshhhsppticiapshhpshhh' etc. so, dreaming i take a huge hit and realize while coughing and trying to pretend like i do this all of the time, that i am in the posession of a tremendous bag of grass. i mean like as big as a loaf of bread type bad. don't even know what that size means. well, i am toking it up and really high, feeling ultra guilty because mak is there and suddenly (we are now in a car) the cops are there. i try to hide the bag and then i realize that i am in a car w/ my child and the smoke and i am high and i have a HUGE bag of pot. so i hide it (not sure where but still afraid to be searched) and i call my friend S to help me. he is friends with the Albany cops...so i call and then i tell him what i need. he says he will be right there and i wake up. god. so...people are now over and i have to continue this later.
